Love,Live,Laugh=Life

TWO TOUGH QUESTIONS: Question 1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis; would you recommend that she have an abortion? Read the next question before scrolling down to the answer of this one Question 2: Say it is time to elect a new world leader, and your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three leading candidates Candidate A associates with crooked politicians, and consults with anthologists. He’s had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day Candidate B was kicked out of office twice sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whisky every evening Candidate C is a decorated war hero. He’s a vegetarian, doesn’t smoke, drinks an occasional beer and hasn’t had any extramarital affairs Which of these candidates would be your choice? Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down for the Answer. No Peaking Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt Candidate B is Winston Churchill Candidate C is Adolph Hitler And by the way, if you said yes to answer the abortion question, you just killed Beethoven Pretty interesting isn’t it. Makes a person think before judging someone. Remember amateurs built the ark …Professionals built the Titanic”Do not undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others. It is because we are different that each of us is special.”

The beautiful secretary of the president of a bank goes on a sight-seeing tour with a very rich African king who was a very important client. The client, out of the blue, asks her to marry him. Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her… don’t reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her. So, after a few minutes, the woman says to the man, “I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a 75-carat diamond ring with a matching 200-carat diamond tiara.” The African king pauses for awhile. Then, he nods his head and says, “No problem!! I have. I have.” Realizing her first condition was too easy the woman says to the man, “I want you to build me a 100-room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the best wine country in France.” The African king pauses for awhile. He whips out his cellular phone and calls some brokers in New York and in France. He looks at the woman, nods his head and says, “Okay, okay. I build. I build.” Realizing that she only has one last condition, the secretary knows that she’d better make this a good one. She takes her time to think and finally she gets an idea. A sure-to-work condition. She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly, “Since I like sex, I want the man I marry to have a 14-inch penis.” The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face with his hands and rests his elbows on the table, all the while muttering in African dialect. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the king shakes his head, looking really sad, and says to the woman, “Okay, okay. I cut. I cut.”

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics: 1. 29 have been accused of spousal abuse 2. 7 have been arrested for fraud 3. 19 have been accused of writing bad checks 4. 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses 5. 3 have done time for assault 6. 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit 7. 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges 8. 8 have been arrested for shoplifting 9. 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits 10. 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year Can you guess which organization this is? Give up yet? It’s the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group of idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

Mysteries of life - the imponderables.
If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? If practice makes perfect and nobody’s perfect, then why practice?
What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavour, and dish-washing liquid made with real lemons? Why do the signs that say ‘slow children’ have a picture of a running child? If the opposite of pro is con, does that make congress the opposite of progress? If a rabbit’s foot is so lucky, what happened to the rabbit? How do the ‘Do Not Walk On The Grass’ signs get there? Why is abbreviation such a long word?